🛑 Why You Need to Say No, Uncomfortable Growth, and What Are You Wrong About?
PROGRESSION: June 2023
June was a special month. My coaching business is going well and I hit a few road bike PRs. But it was two milestones on the family front that stand out. My youngest learned to ride a bike and my son hit his first over-the-fence home run. These were particularly special because I was there to see both.
As I’m getting older, I’m trying to do a better job aligning my actions with the things I say that I value. Easy to say, much harder to do.
Books, Articles, etc.
How Many Things Have You Said No To? by Billy Oppenheimer (Tweet)
Shortly after Steve Jobs returned as the CEO of Apple in 1997, he met with Jony Ive, Apple’s Senior VP of industrial design. Apple had 40 products on the market.
“Jony, how many things have you said no to?” Jobs asked.
Ive was confused. “You have to understand,” Jobs said, “There are measures of focus, and one of them is how often you say no.”
“What focus means,” Jobs taught Ive, “is saying no to something that you—with every bone in your body—think is a phenomenal idea, and you wake up thinking about it, but you say no to it because you're focusing on something else.”
Click here for the full story.
Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott (Book)
I read three books this month, all with the goal of becoming a stronger writer. Bird by Bird is one I picked up back in 2014 but never finished. I really enjoyed it and found several insights that go beyond the writing process. Here are three quotes that resonated.
“Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave. They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die.”
“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life…I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.”
“Because for some of us, books are as important as almost anything else on earth. What a miracle it is that out of these small, flat, rigid squares of paper unfolds world after world after world, worlds that sing to you, comfort and quiet or excite you.”
True Growth is Uncomfortable by C.S. Lewis (Quote)
A friend shared the following quote a few weeks back. It’s been on my mind since.
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
There’s direct application for people of faith, but it’s also serves as a call for all of us to aim higher. We seek growth and improvement, but don’t want it to be too unpleasant. We want comfortable growth. Often we need new people in our lives to demand more of us. Or we need new circumstances that force us to change. True growth is not pleasant. True growth is uncomfortable.
Observations
Okay, Then, What Are You Wrong About?
Earlier this month I had a great conversation with a partner at a venture capital firm. We discussed the power of seeing the world from someone else's perspective. At the end, Matt handed me a note with two questions.
"Is it possible that you are the one person who is right about everything?"
"Okay, then, what are you wrong about?"
He then told me how one of his mentors challenged him with these questions, and how they've stuck with him since. Here’s the full post.
One of the Greatest Gifts You Can Give Your Child
As my children get older, I think a lot about how I can be a better parent.
I want my kids to know I love them unconditionally
I want to spend quality time with them
I want to provide for all their needs
I want to be an example to them
I want them to know that I’m there for them no matter what
Most parents want these for their children. I'm fortunate my parents provided these for me.
But there’s another gift we can give our children that’s too often overlooked. It’s not tied to how much we love them. In fact, the more we love our children, the more often we typically deny them of the gift. In this post, I discuss that gift.
Gratitudes
I’ve found power in regularly expressing gratitude so I’ll continue the habit. I’m grateful for relationships that come from doing hard things together. A few weeks back, I spent a weekend in Park City at a CEO retreat. Two of the attendees were startup CEOs I’ve worked closely with. The moment I saw both, I went up and gave them big hugs. We’ve been through really challenging situations together. We’ve disagreed and argued many times. We built companies together. We all become stronger for it. Grateful for their friendship and example.
If you've read anything worth sharing I'd love to hear about it. And do let me know if there's anything I can do to help you.
Nathan
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