🎯 What's the Goal of Your Goal? 📚 3 Fave Novels, and ❌ Desires That Drive You and Derail You
PROGRESSION: 2025, Volume 9
On Friday I spent the day in Walnut Creek, California with six coaches I deeply admire. It was our third annual meeting. Beautiful location.
A few hours into our day, we discussed the job our clients hire us to do. Not the stated reasons (“I want better executive presence”) but the unsaid reasons. These include seeking approval, checking a box, loneliness, fear of failure, etc.
Candidly, I don’t always know the real reason why someone hires me. There’s sometimes a gap between what they say they want and what they really want. I get it. It’s hard to tell someone you just started working with that you feel completely overwhelmed. It’s hard to say things are going great at work but your family is falling apart.
I’ve learned that if I don’t get to the true “job to be done” within a month or two, it’s not going to be a successful coaching partnership. It’s on me to build trust quickly and ask questions that will push them deeper. It’s on me to help them get to the heart of the matter.
When I started this essay, I planned to share three specific ways you can go from good to great. But I’m going to pivot. As I started writing this, it became clear that for many there’s a more foundational question. What do you want? What do you really want?
Of course, you say you want a promotion. Or you want a better job. Or you want to become a more effective leader. Or you want to win at work and at home. You may have a very specific goal. But what’s the goal behind that goal?
We can’t find meaningful, lasting progress until we answer the deeper questions. Here are three to get you started:
What is your goal? (there may be several)
What is the goal behind that goal?
Why is that important?
I invite you to take a few minutes to answer them. Pull out a notebook or start a new doc. Please don’t hesitate to send your responses to me. Having a goal is a good first step. Knowing the goal behind your goal is where the real work happens.
What I’m Learning
Here’s one of my favorite coaching questions: What desires drive you, and what desires might derail you? It’s two questions in one, but the answers are often the same. The attributes that propel us to accomplish big things can lead to our undoing.
I love this post from Scott Barker. He describes his insatiable desire to win as “the sickness” because it came at such a high personal cost. He was in a constant state of alertness or fight/flight mode. The costs of “the sickness” can include:
Everything else in your life takes a backseat to your goal
More absent from loved ones (physically there, but mentally gone)
Obsession with accumulating material things (to fill the void)
Mental/physical health suffers, workaholism, lack of sleep
Being defined by your work
Barker describes the sickness as “dirty fuel.” It can push you accomplish amazing things, but it can lead to your undoing in the long term.
I invite you to answer these questions: What desires drive you? What desires might derail you?
I read mostly non-fiction, but some of my favorite books are fiction. Here are three favorites:
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I was required to read several books in high school. This was the only one I enjoyed (no offense Great Expectations). I’ve read it five times now. One of my all time faves.
What Makes Sammy Run? by Budd Schulberg. A cautionary tale about ambition and drive. Ultimately, through deception and betrayal, Sammy gets everything he wants but is left with a shallow, empty life. I highly recommend this book, especially for the ambitious.
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. The protagonist, Howard Roark, battles conventional standards and refuses to compromise. The book revolves around whether he can succeed in innovating and creating or if society and its groupthink will take him down. It’s very long but very good. Whether you agree with Rand’s philosophy or not, it’s worth the read and will challenge your thinking.
Gratitudes
I’ve found power in regularly expressing gratitude so I’ll continue the habit. I’m grateful for good health. We’re 11 days out from the St George Ironman 70.3. This is the most important triathlon on my calendar. For months my training has been dialed in. My body feels strong. I’ve gone 99 straight days without eating sweets. Everything was tracking well. Then on Friday I strained my groin during a training run. I haven’t tried running since. It’s too soon to tell if it will derail the race. I’ve found that all too often I don’t appreciate something until it’s gone. Why is that? I’m hoping it’s all healed by Saturday, May 10. I’m grateful for good health.
If I can do anything to help you, please reach out. As always, thank you for reading.
All the best,
Nathan
Read my book, The Unconquerable Leader | Learn about coaching
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