🎯 Goals vs. Anti-Goals, ✨ Mastery = Status, and 🪖 Lessons from a Green Beret
PROGRESSION: 2025, Volume 5
In early 2024, I completed a 360 feedback assessment for a CEO client. It was one of the better 360s I’ve done. And by “better,” I mean he wasn’t overly surprised by what he heard and the feedback didn’t eviscerate him. (Note: I have done a few 360s where the feedback is so brutal I wonder how the exec will recover. But that’s a story for another day.)
I sent my client the 15+ page report, organized into themes around his perceived areas of strength and development. One development area stood out—his team wanted him to spend more time on sales. A lot more time. And it wasn’t just a few people. Everyone wanted him to lean more into sales.
He heard their feedback loud and clear. But as we debriefed, it became apparent he had no interest in putting it into action. At past companies, he’d served as head of sales and found the work draining. So much so that he’d experienced a period of burnout that took him months to recover from. This impacted his family and his happiness. He found that if he spent less time on sales, his chances of burnout were far lower.
In fact, when he started this company, he told himself that he’d make sure he hired an excellent sales leader and completely got out of their way. And that’s what he did. My CEO client had the goal of building a great company. His anti-goal was not getting involved in running sales.
Goals vs. Anti-Goals
Author Sahil Bloom teaches, “Goals are the things you want to happen...Anti-goals are the things you don’t want to happen on your journey to achieve your goals.” This is a simple but powerful insight.
When I launched my coaching business ~3 years ago, I wanted it to be successful. But it was just as important to identify what I did NOT want to happen. I was coming off a 6+ year stretch where I’d seen less of my family than I wanted. I made personal sacrifices to invest heavily in my career, taking HR leadership roles at DoorDash and Neighbor.
When I started my coaching business, I had four kids, ages 3, 6, 9, and 11. I wanted to be a more present father and husband. Yes, I was still ambitious and wanted to build something meaningful, but I didn’t want work success to distract me from what was most important. So I created a list of non-negotiables. Here are five:
I make every meaningful event for kids (sports, dance, church, etc.).
My business is relatively simple and my stress level is manageable.
We continue to live in St George and I don’t travel for work more than once a month.
The majority of my work is proactive rather than reactive.
I work with interesting people who inspire me to be a better person.
These non-negotiables are my anti-goals. Yes, I have goals around revenue and client acquisition, but if I hit those metrics while sacrificing these five non-negotiables, I have flat-out failed.
I’ve found that some of these non-negotiables limit my financial upside. I’m confident I could make more money if I lived in Salt Lake City, San Francisco, or another major city. But these constraints focus my energy. These anti-goals help me play the long game. They help me avoid the trap of winning at work while losing at home.
As you pursue success, don't just set goals. Identify your anti-goals.
What I’m Learning
I just finished reading Tim Kennedy’s book, Scars and Stripes. For the life of me, I can’t figure out who recommended it or how it fell into my hands. It’s a memoir written by an MMA fighter and former Army green beret. Overall, I found it interesting, though the language was stronger than I prefer and his tone was often condescending.
My biggest takeaway: flawed people can do incredible things. Kennedy made a LOT of mistakes throughout his life (which he shares in great detail), but he didn’t let that stop him from doing so much good. A powerful reminder that we can always pivot our lives.
Here’s a quote from Derek Sivers that’s been on my mind: “Mastery is the best goal because the rich can’t buy it, the impatient can’t rush it, the privileged can’t inherit it, and nobody can steal it. You can only earn it through hard work. Mastery is the ultimate status.”
I've found that with many pursuits, you can get pretty good with a moderate amount of effort. But true mastery requires intense work over an extended period of time.
Achieving mastery requires hours of toil, often alone, with no fanfare. In a world of constant distractions and short attention spans, mastery will set you apart from the masses.
Gratitudes
I’ve found power in regularly expressing gratitude so I’ll continue the habit. I’m grateful for youth sports. A few months back, a buddy of mine invited me to help him coach little league baseball. Both of us have a kid on the team, and it’s my son’s last year of majors (age 12). I told him I didn’t know enough, but he pushed me to help anyway.
I’m glad he did, because I’ve had so much fun. Two weeks ago we spent 4+ hours at tryouts then stayed up until midnight for the draft. We just had our first practice and games start next week. I think back to when I was a kid playing team sports. I learned a lot of lessons in that environment (teamwork, dealing with pressure, failing in front of people, bouncing back, etc.) I want those lessons for my son and the other boys. I’m grateful for youth sports.
If I can do anything to help you, please reach out. As always, thank you for reading.
All the best,
Nathan
Read my book, The Unconquerable Leader | Learn about coaching
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