👨💻/👨👩👦👦 Can You Be Great at Work and Home?
PROGRESSION: 2025, Volume 11
A big focus of my work as a coach is helping clients thrive at work and beyond. I’ve long believed that if we crush it as a leader, but our home, health, and other aspects of life are a complete disaster, we’ve missed the mark.
My friend John Koelliker recently posted that his top priority in life is figuring out how to be a world-class founder and a world-class dad & husband. He said, “So much of hustle-culture makes it seem like a choice. You can go all-in on your company OR you can have a family and be an active parent.”
Since that post, over 50 people reached out to John— many of whom are very successful at work—saying this exact topic is something they wrestle with constantly. Almost all my clients feel this tension of striving to be great at work and at home. But not everyone shares the same mindset. When you really look at it, there are only three paths you can choose.
Path 1: All-in on Work
Work is everything. Identity is tied to achievement, and anything outside of that—especially family—is seen as a distraction. There’s relentless drive here, but often at the expense of relationships, health, and long-term fulfillment. One quote that sums up path one: “No one who changed the world worked less than 80 hours a week.”
Path 2: All-in on Family
Work is just a paycheck. The real focus is being present at home. These folks often downplay ambition, sometimes out of conviction, sometimes out of frustration. They value presence, but can risk underutilizing their talents or impact. One quote that sums up path two: “I work to live, not live to work.”
Path 3: I Want Both
These people reject the tradeoff. They want to be excellent at work and at home. They know it’s hard. It takes discipline, sacrifice, and constant recalibration. But they believe it’s worth it—and that a meaningful life includes both.
When looking at these three paths, the immediate response for many, including me, is that the third path is the hardest. This makes sense. You have to be great at two things—work and home. Both are time intensive. Both require a high level of focus and intentionality. When you pursue path three, you’re going to have moments when you feel like you’re failing at work or home. Or both.
But I think path three is only harder if you think short term. Let’s go deeper on that.
The Challenge of Path 1
In the near term, path one can be incredibly rewarding. You see a high return on your time. All things being equal, the more you work, the more you progress and succeed. But when you stumble and have a career setback, life hits you hard. Really hard. Your entire identity is wrapped up in your career so there’s nowhere to turn. If you’re not a success at work, you feel empty. Life gets depressing real fast.
And if you are a big success, who do you share it with? If you’re still married at this point and have kids, they may not want to spend time with you. So you keep grinding to no end. Path 1 is really hard.
The Challenge of Path 2
The downside of path two is more nuanced. How can you knock someone who’s all in on family at the expense of work? On the surface, this seems like a good long-term strategy. But we need to go deeper. Here’s what one CEO shared about the long-term challenges of path two:
“I haven't seen good family outcomes from Group 2. Being in Group 2 is much more self-serving to the parent than serving the kids. In fact, the kids are being done a massive disservice by failing to model that happiness *comes from* hard work. It's an excuse to work less hiding behind the kids.
Show me the kids of the parents that excelled at their craft and dedicated their life to a cause, and I'll show you on average the best kids of the next generation.
In the same way eating candy feels good in the short term, but the harder choices of eating healthy and exercising lead to happiness. Excessive vacationing, leisure or other self-indulgence scientifically lead to depression, anxiety and lack of purpose. Only overcoming hard things and pushing yourself to the limits (both with family and professionally) lead to fulfillment and purpose. That is the great lesson of life.”
Clearly, path two has its own challenges.
Which Path Do You Choose?
My goal in writing this isn’t to tell you which path is better or worse (though I do have thoughts). It’s to call out the challenges of each. All three paths come with short-term and long-term trade-offs. I’ve seen too many people I care about head down a path without consciously deciding if that’s what they really want. Then they reach the end of that path and are left with consequences they didn’t foresee. Ouch.
My goal in writing this is to challenge your thinking. But it’s also to challenge mine. I really want your input on this. Which path are you choosing? How do you think about the trade-offs of going all in on work, family, or both?
Please take a moment to reply. I want to engage more on this topic.
Last Call for a Free Copy
As I mentioned two weeks ago, I’m celebrating the one-year anniversary of The Unconquerable Leader by giving out hundreds of free copies. Want one for yourself or a friend? Simply fill out this google form or reply to this email with your name/address.
I’ve shipped 103 books in the last week. I think the workers at my local post office hate me by now. 😂
What I’m Learning
I’m halfway through For the Glory, a biography of Eric Liddell. Liddell was a gifted sprinter who competed for Great Britain in the 1924 Paris Olympics.
His best event was the 100 meters. However, when he discovered that his heats was scheduled on a Sunday, he refused to run—believing that competing on the Sabbath would violate his faith.
Despite public pressure and national disappointment, Liddell stood firm in his convictions. Instead, he ran the 400 meters, a race that wasn’t his strongest. Remarkably, he won the gold medal and set a world record.
After the Olympics, Liddell left competitive athletics to serve as a missionary in China, where he would later die in a Japanese internment camp during World War II.
Liddell’s story is captured in the movie Chariots of Fire where he delivers one of my favorite quotes: “I believe God made me for a purpose - but He also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure.” I’m always impressed by those who live their values, especially when it’s inconvenient.
“If we’re all going to eat, someone has to sell!”
A few newsletters back I talked about the need to sell yourself. Ken Griffin, founder of Citadel, drives home that message in this two-minute video.
I was recently a guest on the Risely podcast with Ashish Manchada where I talked about challenges I faced when I moved into a leadership role. We also covered the hidden workload new managers aren’t prepared for, how to balance execution with leading others, and how companies can set up new managers for success.
Gratitudes
I’ve found power in regularly expressing gratitude so I’ll continue the habit. Yesterday was Memorial Day and I’m grateful to the men and women who have died while serving in the U.S. military. Too often I take for granted the freedoms I have in this country. These are only possible because of the sacrifices of others. I’m grateful I get to live in America. 🙏
As I mentioned earlier, this is the last call to claim a copy of The Unconquerable Leader. Want one for yourself or a friend? Simply fill out this google form or reply to this email with your name/address.
If I can do anything to help you, please reach out. As always, thank you for reading.
All the best,
Nathan
Read my book, The Unconquerable Leader | Learn about coaching
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Striving to be great at both work and home isn't easy, but maybe that's the point. The long-term win often requires short-term sacrifice. Love this honest, needed reminder.