Note: Iām changing the format for the next two editions of Progression. Weāll return to the regular format in January.
Greetings from the big island of Hawaii where I'm celebrating my 40th birthday with my wife and our four kids.
Turning 40 feels incredibly weird. In my mind Iām still 25 or something. But the gray hairs I see in the mirror tell a different story.Ā š¬š
Over the past weeks, Iāve been reflecting on my life and all that Iāve learned so far. There are 40 lessons I want to highlight. Here are the first 10.
40 Lessons Iāve Learned by Age 40 (1-10)
1) Take charge of the stories you tell yourself. Too many people let self-defeating stories thwart their growth. For years I told myself I was not creative, that I wasnāt a writer, and that I couldnāt run. For years I believed those stories. Finally, I decided it was time to tell new stories. I then started acting in a way that made my new stories a reality. I became a creative. I became a writer. I became a runner. My old stories gave me excuses for being mediocre. Donāt be a victim. Take charge of your story.Ā Ā
2) You donāt have to be unhappy just because others are. Scholar Deirdre McCloskey says, āFor reasons I have never understood, people like to hear that the world is going to hell.ā Yes, there is evil in the world. Yes, bad things will happen to us and those we love. No, you donāt have to be miserable because of it.
In the words of Russell M. Nelson, āThe joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.ā You have the power to choose what you focus on.Ā Ā
3) Relationships are everything. Over Thanksgiving, my family threw a surprise birthday party where they got me 40 gifts. But it was more of a roast than anything else. My kids teased me for my idiosyncrasies. My siblings shared stories of my most embarrassing moments. My wife poked fun at me. We all laughed hard. I felt a lot of love. These relationships mean the world to me.Ā
4) Play the right game. Several years ago I stumbled on this quote from Kwame Anthony Appiah: āIn life, the challenge is not so much to figure out how best to play the game; the challenge is to figure out what game youāre playing.ā
Youāve been given a set of gifts and strengths that no one else has. Youāre far better off identifying games that play to your strengths. How can you stack the deck in your favor?
5) Do you actually need more information? I often pose this question to my clients. Better information certainly leads to better decisions and actions, but often we let a lack of information be an excuse for postponing action.
When in doubt, assume that balance is found with more action. In the words of Derek Sivers, āIf more information was the answer, then weād all be billionaires with perfect abs.ā
6) Read a lot. In 2014, I made the commitment to read 30 books a year. Iāve done that every year since. In the words of General Jim Mattis, āIf you havenāt read hundreds of books, you are functionally illiterate, and you will be incompetent, because your personal experiences alone arenāt broad enough to sustain you.ā
To meet the challenges in front of us, we need additional perspectives. Our firsthand experiences may be limited, but through reading we can learn through the experiences of others.Ā
7) Say no to say yes. Shortly after Steve Jobs returned to Apple in 1997, he met with Jony Ive. Apple had 40 products on the market. āJony, how many things have you said no to?ā Jobs asked.Ā
Ive was confused. āYou have to understand,ā Jobs said, āThere are measures of focus, and one of them is how often you say no. What focus means is saying no to something that youāwith every bone in your bodyāthink is a phenomenal idea, and you wake up thinking about it, but you say no to it because youāre focusing on something else.ā Iāve learned that we must say no to good things so we can say yes to the best things.Ā
8) Make a list of the things you should worry about. In 1958, F. Scott Fitzgerald sent a letter to his daughter. In it, the author of The Great Gatsby outlined a handful of things we should worry about (courage, cleanliness, efficiency) then shared a long list of things we should not worry about (the past, the future, failure, others getting ahead of us, etc.).Ā
Iām a natural worrier and in moments of stress Iāve learned to hit pause and write down my worries. On paper, most of them seem silly. Fitzgeraldās letter is a needed reminder that the list of things we should worry about is very short.Ā
9) Set a clear vision for yourself. Five years ago, I created a doc called My Life in 5 Years. I wrote down the job I wanted to have, goals I wanted to reach, attributes I wanted to cultivate, milestones I wanted to hit, key relationships I wanted to invest in, etc. That doc provided clarity on the person I wanted to become.
Much of my vision for myself has come true. Some of it has not. Parts of my vision look silly in hindsight. But thereās immense power in having a clear vision for yourself. Yes, it will likely change, but take the time to create a roadmap for your life. Set ambitious goals. Find a north star. Pivot as needed.Ā
10) Ignorance is a superpower. In an interview with the BBC, Welles was asked where he got the confidence as a first-time director to make Citizen Kane, a film so radically different from contemporary cinema. His response: āIgnorance. Ignorance. Sheer ignorance. You know, thereās no confidence to equal it. Itās only when you know something about a profession, I think, that youāre timid, or carefulā¦ā
Iāve witnessed many young leaders use their lack of experience to their advantage. They push the boundaries. They have courage to take risks. They break convention. They succeed at things people said would never work. They ignored the naysayers. In short, ignorance was their superpower.
Thank you for reading! Click here for lessons 11-20.
Iāll circle back in the next week or two with Decemberās email that includes:
Lessons 21-40
Reflections and Actions (a year end exercise to reflect on your growth in 2023 and prepare for an awesome 2024)
Wishing you all the best during this season šš
Nathan
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